Thursday, December 6, 2012♥
God loves me and He freely gives
Thinking about why I would get such a result, is utterly a disappointment to me. The only need that I need now, was to get out of the house and do something. But do what? I spent a long time thinking. The beach came to my mind, going shopping came to my mind, hiding somewhere at the playground. These places are usually where I will be when I'm upset. However, it seemed that there was no place for me to hide and cry my hearts out. Until I thought of reading my book," captivating".
So I went out to nex to sit in the Starbucks, enjoying a cup of cranberry mocha while I lost myself in the book. Just a few pages have led me to ponder a few thoughts.
I came across a sentence, that was somehow phrased like this: "The desires that we possessed are what He desired more".
So the next thing that comes to my mind, so what failed us? If God desires me to win this victory, then shouldn't I be getting the results that I want? Shouldn't I be on the victory end, feeling like a conqueror?
I was thinking about that for a long time, seeking the answer to my question. I thought of asking my sister about it, and she answered my question.
Sometimes, we all met with a breaking point, and we must know that it was never meant by God for us to fail. He is not a creator of failure. Yet sometimes, He will not stop all these failures because He already knew we had the strength to overcome it. Sometimes, we need to look back on what we believed in, especially in the areas that we are good in are the areas that we would easily rely on our flesh more.
God wanted us to stand on a victory ground more than anyone. If we desired that, He desired above it. At some point, we may be blinded by our own success and forgot that our success are from Him. He gave us the gift. That is why we tend to think that we are able to overcome it on our own, and not trusting Him nor letting Him to walk with us. I guessed that was what had happened to me then. Forgetting the fact that I have a gift given by Him in my music, and causing me to naturally think that I can surely do it and not fall without knowing that I have already lost the faith that I should place in Him as well.
This breaking point that I came was surely what I experienced the most broken of all. When I felt I lost something that I took pride in, something that I was most proud of, something that was the closest to my heart. This is the time, a wake up call to me that God is saying "Come back to me Aziel. Come back to the comforter. Come seek Me because I desired for your success more than anyone else. I am all that you need now and only I can help you".
Wednesday, December 5, 2012♥
God loves me and He freely gives
Happy? Disappointed? Upset? Angry?
Happy that I pass the grade?
But no... not with the marks I get. I know clearly myself this was not my usual standards.
I've failed my instructor's expectations, worst, my own expectations.
Yeah man do fail right?
What should I do?
Take the grade again just to get my own expectations? What does that proves then? Move on with it?
Whatever it is, second chance does not always comes and it doesn't always feels right...
